Category: Comedic Prose

Comedian #BARS

Time to question Derrick Rose’s mental toughness

DerrickRose

At the risk of being struck down I’m going to question the mental toughness of Chicago Bulls’ star Derrick Rose.
There are unwritten rules in sports: You don’t talk about a perfect while one is being pitched, you don’t hit a man below the belt without apologizing vehemently, never bet on a team from the Northwest in a big game, and don’t question a player that says they are injured. The last rule has been the crutch Derrick Rose has leaned on throughout this season. However when he was cleared to return to action that crutch was removed. So it’s only right that we question why the hell he’s not playing.
Since Derrick Rose has been cleared to play, many people have been making excuses for why he hasn’t returned to game action. The main excuse is that mentaly he’s not ready. Which is a valid excuse, especially when you consider Rose’s game.… Read More

The fix! How Mike Brown got back to the Cleveland Cavaliers*

Mike Brown is back in the NBA as the head coach of the Cleveland Cavaliers! How wonderful is that? I get to see Mike Brown on the sideline again. Nothing makes me happier than seeing Mike Brown pacing the sideline, with that confused, yet puzzled-happy look on his face. It’s the exact same look you…
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Brazilian Meat Feast (All You Can Eat style)

I’ve heard mystical stories of Brazilian restaurants that would feed you an unlimited amount of meat. All you had to do is pay a flat rate, and they would bring you meat by the wheel barrow. I remember when my brother told me a story of such a place. He said they brought him meat…
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I’m not buying MLB 2K13…I want The Show on Xbox

MLB 2k13TheShow

I love sports video games. As a matter of fact that’s basically all I play. My favorite producer of games have been 2k sports. I have bought their products since their incarnation on Sega Dreamcast. That’s right I had a Sega Dreamcast when everyone was rocking a PlayStation.  As a matter fact I still have the Dreamcast, and may fire up a game of Sonic 3D Blast tonight.
So I’m partial to 2k sports, which makes it well with in my right to say, “I will not buy mlb 2k13!”
I know everyone has been sitting on the edge of their seat waiting for this announcement, so I had to make a statement. While I have liked the previous versions of this franchise. Over the last 3 years there has been no evolution worth paying $60 for. As a matter of fact 2k13 is exactly like 2k12, only with updated rosters. So while I love playing with the true quality of the players in the game, it’s not worth the money.  Especially when MLB The Show has everything you want and cost $60 as well.… Read More

“David Letterman – Kevin Ware Top Ten”

Kevin Ware of the Louisville Cardinal’s basketball team, broke his leg in one of the most horrific sports injuries ever. So what do you do? Put out a top 10 list of course.

 

 

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane
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Don’t jump on Cleveland’s LeBron Hater bandwagon (Miami style)

Burning-LeBron-James-Cavs-jersey-e1290833645182

The Miami Heat and LeBron James lost last night. That’s right people that live under a rock, spoiler alert; the second longest streak in the history of the NBA has come to an end. This means there will be no record breaking history, so go ahead and pop bottles Jerry West, because Lord knows I am.

I haven’t celebrated a loss this much since the last time the Heat lost. I though all my basketball pleasure was focused on Ohio State’s run to the Final Four. Come to find out, I had a tank full of bile that waiting to explode the minute LeBron James lost a game.1 And explode it did. As soon as I saw my boy Kirk Hendrick give Chris Bosh a MEAT session. I pronounced the game over, and began popping celebratory cans of Miller High Life. I had a smile that would make the Grinch that Stole Christmas jealous, and I have a feeling I wasn’t alone.… Read More

If Ohio State doesn’t make the Final Four, they’ve underachieved

Deshaun Thomas

 

I still can’t belive what I saw at the end of Ohio States’ game against Iowa State. You could have told me that Aaron Craft would step up at the end of the game to make a big shot. However if you told me that shot would be a 3 pointer after he had waived off the leading scorer in the Big Ten (Deshaun Thomas). I woukd have said, “My boy Aaron Craft must have been feeling it. On a Rick James in the 80s type of level. He must have been slapping the other team around (MEAT style).”

 

Aaron Craft against Iowa State

While I didn’t believe that Aaron Craft had a bad game, I must admit that the egg was in the building. And when I say in the building I mean on the sideline about to take his warm ups off, and saddle up next to Craft on the free throw line.… Read More

Will Seattle fans love these Seattle Seahawks…Harvin, Sherman, and all?

The Seattle Seahawks have undergone a transformation. They have distanced themselves from the passive aggressive organization; that was happy to have a serviceable quarterback, a running back that accumulated empty stats, and a false profit1 (Mike Holmgren) making all the decisions. Now there a team straight of the Pete Carroll handbook, which states in section 1-13…
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The Sacramento Kings move to Seattle hits roadblock

SeattleBack

Yeah…so about the Sacramento Kings moving to Seattle. Perhaps the fans in Seattle jumped the gun.

For the last 2 months all I’ve heard is,

 

Seattle sports fans – “The Sonics are coming back.”

Me – “Really…what makes you say that?”

People that think reporters matter – “I read a story about it in the newspaper. As a matter of fact we’re getting a hockey team too!”

Me – “Really…what makes you say that?”

People that think the city of Seattle is going to build another stadium for a team that stinks – “Well their building a stadium downtown”

Me – “Really…we will see.”

*please note that the Seattle Supersonics are never coming back. They can’t come back because they no longer exist. If somehow in the – hell no it will never happen – chance that the Oklahoma City Thunder moved back to Seattle you could argue that the Sonics were back.Read More

Cleveland Cavaliers’ Dion Waiters, turning it around

DionWaiters

My man Dion Waiters has been going H.A.M. (flash style) for the last month and a half.

Things looked bleak for the Cleveland cavaliers when Kyrie Irving was advised to sit out and rest his knee. However, Waiters has taken Irving’s absence as an opportunity to showcase his skill. He has led the Cavaliers to 2 consecutive win, and nearly added a third over the Miami Heat. With Irving out, people are noticing Dion, but this isn’t a recent trend. It’s been this way for a while.

Now I will be the first to say I am pleasantly/shockingly surprised. I couldn’t stand Dion Waiters for the first 2 months of the NBA season. He was horribly inconsistent and shot the Cavaliers out of basketball games. Dude was shooting a miraculous 30% from the field – also known as Austin Rivers territory –, and was eventually bench by Byron Scott. Personally I wanted Scott to ship him off to sea in a pontoon boat with just enough gas for a one way trip.… Read More