Kevin Love out for Playoff Second Round, “Oh! Canada”…Cavaliers still beat the Chicago Bulls*

Kevin Love out for Playoff Second Round, “Oh! Canada”…Cavaliers still beat the Chicago Bulls*


So it has been confirmed that Kevin Love will officially miss the second round of the playoffs, because Kelly Olynyk of all people, ripped his arm off. This is a bad look for Canada. Canada is known as such a peaceful country. I need my Canadian friends to give me some kind of explanation. Did Kelly Olynyk not get the, “How to be a successful Canadian for Dummies” manual? Apparently things get real when they’re about to get swept in the first round of a playoffs series, they should have never been in in the first place. One minute you think things are going according to plan, and the Cavs will coast through the Eastern Conference. Then a dude named Kelly turns into Sgt. Slaughter and throws a curveball into Cleveland’s season. Then again maybe this is the universe paying back the Cavaliers for what they did.

Maybe this is the price Cleveland has to pay for LeBron orchestrating his return to Cleveland. I mean, did you really think it was going to be that easy? Did you really think Cleveland was going to catch a break? You don’t go 50 years without a championship on pure skill. No, you need some bad luck on your side. There has been a litany of disasters that have plagued Cleveland sports. I blame this one on GM LeBron. It all started when he traded Andrew Wiggins and Anthony Bennett to Minnesota, without the courtesy of a phone call. That may not seem like big deal, but both of those guys are Canadian. It’s a crime to treat Canada that way, and the punishment was the right to rip someone’s arm off. I guess Olynyk was the person they commissioned to carry out the job. And while I understand that Kelly didn’t order the code red, the people in Ohio don’t. So if I’m him I’d make sure I’d stop for gas in Pennsylvania.

By the way, the Chicago Bulls still have no chance, assuming they beat the Bucks (Okay that last line was uncalled for). Kevin Love may be out, but the Cavaliers will still have the best two players in the series. Also they will be able to defend the Bulls’ scoring threats better without Kevin Love. The Cavaliers will still win that series fairly easily if it happens (still taking shots).

I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with that sentiment, because the Chicago Bulls are the single most overrated team in professional sports. Everyone will start talking about how the Bulls are now the favorite in the Eastern Conference. To those people I would say, “Take a breath. You see that dude wearing 23? Chicago has never beaten that dude in the playoffs, he’s gone to the finals the last 4 years, and he’s the best player in the game. Relax, and pray you have a Canadian dude that can rip his arm off.”


Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

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