Kortney’s Last Show, EP 154: Everybody’s Breast Were Out “It Was the Grammys”

On this episode of Kortney’s Last Show Podcast, Kortney talks about the Grammys and marvels at everyone discovering Charles Oakley

Kortney opens the show talking about Charles Oakley, James Dolan, Latrell Sprewell, and the New York Knicks.

He also talks about the Grammy Awards (14:55), Oklahoma City being drubbed by Golden State, and Oklahoma City fans (36:47), and Playboy brings back nudity (42:24).

Music: Kurtis Blow – The Breaks

Enjoy the Podcast, Please Share, and Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, and Tune in Radio.

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Kortney Shane Williams

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Kortney’s Last Show, EP 146: Cavs v. Warriors #NBAChristmas & Giraffe Poaching

On this episode of Kortney’s Last Show Podcast, Kortney talks about NBA Christmas day, and two Diabolical Haters.

He opens the show talking about his gym pet peeve and giraffe poaching (6:15).

Kortney talks about the Cleveland Cavaliers v. Golden State Warriors Christmas game (13:16).

He also talks about Jury Duty, Seahawks, The Life In Times of Seattle (37:09), Diabolical Hater: George Karl (48:04), Diabolical Hater Terry Bradshaw (54:11), and Grayson Allen (59:17).

Enjoy the Podcast, Please Share, and Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, and Tune in Radio.

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Kortney Shane Williams

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Kortney’s Last Show, EP 122: My Official Comedy Album Announcement; Westbrook Re-Signs

On this episode of the podcast I talk about my upcoming comedy recording.

I will be recording October 21st & 22nd at the Comedy Underground in Seattle. I tell you how you can get free tickets. There are a limited number of free tickets, so I also tell you how you can get half priced tickets if you miss out on those.

I also talk about the Men’s Olympic basketball team going to a brothel in Brazil, Westbrook’s new contract, and whether LeBron can actually catch Michael Jordan.

My bother joins the show to gloat about being right about Russell Westbrook and he becomes the Diabolical Hater.

Also Cedar Point shuts down a roller coast after a cable detaches.

Quick Hitters: NFL Cancels the Hall of Fame Game, RG3 is the Brown’s starter, and Ken Griffey Jr & Alex Rodriguez careers come to an end.

Enjoy the Podcast, Please Share, and Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, and Google Play

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Kortney Shane Williams

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Sunday, The Return of Dion Waiters to Cleveland #CAVSvsOKC



I  knew the Cleveland Cavaliers played the Oklahoma City Thunder tomorrow. Which means I was looking forward to the match ups of Durant vs. LeBron in the who is the best player in the NBA, Kyrie vs. Westbrook in who can put up the most shots while being the second best player on the team, and Love vs. Ibaka in “If only we had a good coach. People wouldn’t think we’re washed up at 25.” However I forgot the real MVP, Dion Waiters.

This will be the first time the Cavs match up against OKC since shipping Dion Waiters there in the middle of the night (Baltimore Colts style). Waiters thinks he’s the best player in the league and has probably planned some type of vengeance against the organization that traded him away. He recently said that he loves his new team because he gets to touch the ball more now. However he actually shot the ball more when he was in Cleveland which is why he’s now in Oklahoma. Apparently even his perception skews at a bad percentage.

With that being said, I love Waiters and his game. I hope he gets to shoot a lot, and I  wouldn’t mind if he won the game for the Thunder. Maybe a game winning shot where he rips the ball out of Westbrook’s hands like Carlton did Will. Then he can parade around the court doing the testicle dance while everyone watching comes to the conclusion simultaneously of, “Oh…that’s  why they traded him.”
Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

The post Sunday, The Return of Dion Waiters to Cleveland #CAVSvsOKC appeared first on Comedic Prose.

Top 10 NBA Players, going into All-Star Weekend 2014

LeBronKDAntonyDavis So far the NBA season has been uneven. And by uneven I mean the Eastern Conference stinks, and the Western Conference is great. You can actually make an argument that, every team in the East, except for the Milwaukee Bucks and Philadelphia 76ers, could make the playoffs. On the other hand, the Western Conference only has 9 teams that have a chance to make the playoffs, even though the top 10 teams have a positive point differential (In the East only 4 team s have a positive point differential). The surprise so far this year is undoubtedly the Phoenix Suns. Not only were they picked in the preseason to be one of the worst teams in the league, but that have already eclipse their projected win total for the season. The Suns are doing all of this while missing their best player in Eric Bledsoe, and having a first time head coach in Jeff Hornacek. Prior to this season, Jeff Hornacek was best known for his days with the Utah Jazz, and getting beat down by Jerry Stackhouse.

    There has also been great performances by individuals this year. But rather than bore you with numbers. I decided to put together a list of the top 10 players up until this point1.  
  1. Kevin Durant, 31 Points, 5 Assist, 8 Rebounds, 31 Per
    He has just taken his game to another level this year. His defense is greatly improved and he's more efficient than ever. With Russell Westbrook being out, everyone knows where the ball is going, but he still can't be stopped. He has put the Oklahoma City Thunder on his back, and they are sporting the best record in the league. Plus he leads the league in best new nick name, "Slim Reaper."  
  2. LeBron James, 27 Points, 7 Assist, 7 rebounds, 29 Per
    LeBron is the Miami Heat the same way LeBron was the Cavaliers when he was in Cleveland. It seems like he's coasting, yet he's still killing dudes. He is still 3rd in the league in scoring and leads the Miami Heat in assist and rebounds. It's hard to blame him for the way he's playing when we all know only one time of year matters for him…June.  
  3. Blake Griffin, 24 Points, 10 rebounds, 24 Per
    I never expected to have Blake on any list other that best in game dunkers of all time. However, he's has greatly improved his game. He has improved his ball handling, and post-game. He is now a legitimate crunch time option for the Clippers, and a superstar in the NBA.  
  4. Dwight Howard, 19 Points, 13 rebounds, 2 Blocks 22 Per
    Dwight does what Dwight does. He is still the best rim protector in the league. He has also improved his offense around the the basket.  
  5. Paul George, 22 Points, 3 Assist, 6 rebounds, 20 Per
    After taking a huge step forward the first 2 months of the season. He has taken a step back. I don't think it should be overlooked that Danny Granger came back during that time, which could explain his dip in his offensive performance. However his defense hasn't dipped. He is the second best perimeter defender in the league, and has led the Pacers to the best record in the Eastern Conference. He is now a top 5 player in the league.  
  6. Kevin Love, 26 Points, 13 rebounds, 28 Per
    It's tough to find a reason why Kevin Love shouldn't be on the list. The only knock against him is that his team stinks. However, you just can't deny his numbers. He is the only player that's top 5 in points and rebounds. So he has to be on this list.  
  7. Stephen Curry, 25 Points, 9 Assist, 4 rebounds, 24 Per
    "Hand Down, Man Down" Steph Curry is the best shooter in the NBA. This season he has started to pass the ball more, which has added a new dimension to his game. Dude still doesn't play defense which is why he's not higher on this list.  
  8. Anthony Davis, 21 Points, 10 rebounds, 3 Blocks 26 Per
    This may be seen as a surprise on this list, but not if you've been paying attention. Anthony Davis is showing flashes of a superstar this year. He has been great defensively and his offensive has pick up as well. He has steadily improved since his rookie year, and looks poised to be an elite player in a couple years.  
  9. Chris Paul*, 19 Points, 11 Assist, 5 rebounds, 27 Per
    *He has been great despite an injury stricken season. Under normal circumstances he would be third on this list.  
  10. James Harden, 24 Points, 5 Assist, 5 rebounds, 21 Per
    Going into this season the story in Houston – among dopes that wanted a reason to hate Dwight Howard – was how Dwight Howard would be a wingman for Harden. However, that story line has now flipped. Harden is clearly the wingman, and Dwight has established himself as the leader on the floor. With that being said Harden is still a great scorer, and has made up for Houston's deficiency at point guard.    
Notable exceptions from this list are Dwyane Wade and Russell Westbrook. Because of their injury issues they didn't make the cut. Normally they would have been on the list. Another exception is Chris Bosh. I really wanted to put him on this list, because of what he has done for the Miami Heat. However, he just doesn't stack up next to the upper echelon of the NBA.  
  1. I put "the top 10 players up until this point" in bold, to preempt all the people who think that's it's a travesty that Michael Jordan didn't make the list.
Kortney Shane Williams Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Ball Night: Boston Celtics vs. Miami Heat, “It’s about to go down” (Gangnam style)

It is a Ball Night, with a capital "B" After an offseason full of transactions it's finally time to see "Who wants what?" (Memphis Bleek style)1. The time for speculation around the L.A. Lakers is over. We don't have to guess how Dwight Howard will play, and how the Lakers will fit. We will now get to see it in action. We will get to see Steve Nash surprise us again by playing at the age the 662. We will get to see Kobe Bryant, and the look on his face when he finally realizes that he turned his team over to a guy that is better at smiling than post moves. And hopefully we will get to see Ron Artest forget – once again – that the idea of basketball is to actually score baskets, and instead result to his Macho Man Randy Savage like elbow drop. After the Oklahoma City Thunder let James Harden go, many people thought they gave up on a championship run this year (me included). However, maybe the Thunder front office knows something we don't. Perhaps Perry Jones, Kevin Martin, and Jeremy Lamb, will make up for everything Harden did for them. Maybe Russell Westbrook will rise up this year, and take his position as the best point guard in the NBA. Then again Oklahoma City does have this guy named Kevin Durant, also known as the 3 time scoring champion, also known as that dude. This could be the year Kevin Durant becomes the best player in the league. The main event tonight is the Boston Celtics vs. the Miami Heat, and I can't wait. I can't wait to see Ray Allen on the bench in his Miami Heat sweats, as he watches his former team look a whole lot better without him. I can't wait to see Kevin Garnett spit random curse at the entire city of Miami, as they celebrate their championship rings. I can't wait for Rajon Rondo to go H.A.M. on Miami's interior defense. I can't wait to see if the Miami Heat treat the Celtics like champions treat teams on opening night. Maybe they'll blow the doors off Boston, and have them scrambling for answers. Maybe LeBron James and Dwyane Wade will go Gangnam style on the Boston Celtics. Who knows what will happen, but one thing is for sure. Tonight is a…BALL NIGHT!  
  1. I'm so happy I just quoted the often disappointing Memphis Bleek.
  2. He's actually 38, but he age but you have to age 28 years for carrying the Phoenix Suns.
Kortney Shane Williams Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Oklahoma City Thunder, Because of Kevin Durant


Kevin Durant’s numbers are exactly what would be expected of a superstar.

It’s a good thing for the Oklahoma City Thunder that Kevin Durant isn’t all superstar though. That’s not a knock on Kevin Durant. In fact, it’s the biggest reason why the Thunder have been able to mature into one of the two best teams in the league. Maybe the best.

Sure, KD has become not only the best pure scorer in the NBA but also a much more complete player. Yeah, he has established himself as a closer that we can compare to Michael Jordan without sounding completely ridiculous. It’s true, he has led OKC to the NBA Finals.

But the Thunder are thriving now because of Kevin Durant’s personality. His easy-going nature has allowed Oklahoma City to become the dominating force that they are today. While superstars are generally thought of to be this type A, dictatorship-like personality, Kevin Durant is governing his team democratically.

It feels like eons ago when Russell Westbrook was being condemned for his apparent lack of a conscious and Kevin Durant was getting criticized for his reluctance to take the bull by the horns. Unlike a dirty prison rat, Kevin Durant continued to defend his partner in crime no matter how out of hand Westbrook got. Durant even fired back at Skip Bayless saying “we’re worse when I take more shots” a couple of months ago.

Without Kevin Durant’s willingness to let his shoot first point guard shoot first far too often, the Thunder wouldn’t be up 1-0 in the NBA Finals as we speak. Durant let Westbrook play through his mistakes. His many, many mistakes.

Oh, how the times have changed.

Westbrook is not the same player these days. He still takes lots of shots. Last night, Westbrook had 24 field goal attempts to Durant’s 20. But the change is most noticeable in key situations. During the playoffs, Westbrook has finally learned when to defer to the best player on his team. He knows when he should sit back and watch the magic instead of trying to make it.

It took a bit longer than it probably should have but everyone grows up at a different rate. For some odd reason, Russell Westbrook deluded himself into thinking, and/or was out to prove, that he was the superstar in Oklahoma City.

If Kevin Durant handled this situation in the authoritarian manner that many thought he should, it might very well have stunted Westbrook’s development. Knowing Westbrook, he may have responded to fire with fire, rebelling to the oppressiveness like a teenager does to his parents telling him to hit the books. However, Kevin Durant let Russell Westbrook mature at his own pace. He didn’t force the issue and Westbrook responded accordingly.

The evidence was there again on Tuesday night as Kevin Durant poured in 17 of his game-high 36 points in the final period. Westbrook may have finished the game with more shots but he picked his spots, the right ones, in the 4th quarter.

A championship this season isn’t necessary to validate what Kevin Durant did for his team. He didn’t knee-jerk his way to a controversy and the Thunder are on their way to many more exhilarating championship runs. He may have done very little over the past year to squash the Skip Bayless led criticism but very little was precisely what Oklahoma City, and more importantly, Westbrook required.

Russell Westbrook is changed man now. He didn’t need an intervention. He just needed time.

Not many superstars would have been able to give Westbrook the time he needed. But Kevin Durant isn’t like most superstars.

And because of it, the Oklahoma City Thunder are sitting pretty, a game up on the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals.


Chris Ross

Chris is a writer on Comedic Prose, and he also is the editor of Painting the Black.

You can follow Chris on twitter @paintstheblack or e-mail him at cross_can15@hotmail.com

Rooting for The Oklahoma City Thunder in the NBA Finals, the lesser of two evils

The Oklahoma City Thunder and The Miami Heat, will play Game 1 of the NBA Finals tonight. Oklahoma City is the better team, and I expect them to win the Finals in dominating fashion. I believe they could possibly sweep the Heat. However that rarely happens, so I’m picking Oklahoma City in six games. Now that I have gotten my pukey uninspired prediction out of the way, let’s move to the real issue.

Who will I root for?

Naturally I have an inclination to root against anything associated with LeBron James. I stopped drinking Powerade because his face is on the bottle. Actually that’s not completely true. I stopped drinking red Powerade only because his face is only on that bottle, but I still enjoy a refreshing Arctic Shatter after a long day1. So naturally I can’t stand the Miami Heat. I don’t like their uniforms, the Heat girls, or that cynical, “My work is beautiful look” on Pat Riley’s face during games. I don’t even like the people in their half full arena. All those things make me wish ill will on the Heat.

On the other side you have the young up-and-coming Oklahoma City Thunder. “They’re just a bunch of 23 year old kids out there trying to figure out which way is up.” They have superstars in Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant. They have a humble unassuming coach, and a rabid fan base that loves their team. Plus, “They did it the right way.” I hear OKC fans say, “Durant didn’t need a press conference to announce his decision. Hey actually sent a telegram to the neighborhood elementary school, and they announced it during their morning show. Are team was built the right way.” They were built the right way except for the fact that the team was stolen from Seattle (Baltimore Ravens Style).

I see pissed of Seattle Super Sonics fans every day, and I lie to them. I tell them that they’ll get another team, and be contenders in no time. When in all actuality Seattle will end up getting the Charlotte Bobcats and Bismack Biyombo. Now granted there are a lot of jaded sports fans in Seattle, but none of them believe some dude named Bismack is the next Kevin Durant. You would have a better of convincing them that the Seattle Storm are really worth watching.

So there are cons on both sides of the NBA Finals. As a Cleveland Sports fan I should probably sympathize more with a city that lost a franchise, that now has a chance to win a championship. However my hated – hatred is probably too strong of a word. Instead you can call it my extreme irrational unequivocal code burgundy like level dislike – of LeBron James the basketball player overcomes my morality. So I’m rooting for the Oklahoma City Thunder to humiliate the Miami Heat.

I apologize to my adopted city of Seattle, but I have to do it. Feel free to come by the U-District and egg the room I’m renting on frat row.


1. They discontinued Artic Shatter. They need to bring it back.

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

The NBA’s new alpha dog Kevin Durant is cold-blooded (Rick James style)


Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder is announcing his arrival as the new Alpha Dog of the NBA. He choked out the defending champion Dallas Mavericks in the first round with late game heroics, and now he has his foot on the head of The Black Mamba. Dude is getting it done, and he’s doing it with a point guard that doesn’t pass. That’s gangster (OKC style).

Kevin Durant is the new Alpha Dog is the NBA for several reasons. First of all he’s the best shooter in the NBA. I know some dope out there will point to some metrics, and try to convince me that LeBron James is more efficient. However, when you consider the number of 3-point shots that Durant takes and makes opposed to James, there is no comparison. Durant can score at any place on the court, more efficiently than anyone else in the NBA.

Secondly Kevin has made his own lane (Kanye West style). There was no hype and hoopla when he came in the NBA. Any experts doubted that he would be strong enough to withstand a season. However, he has not only been able to withstand a season, but he has taken the heart out of his opponents in the process (Come Get Some style).

I have also noticed that Durant has started to lead his team defensively in the playoffs. During the 2nd round against the Lakers, Durant has been guarding Kobe Bryant. Now it must be said that at this point in his career Kobe has lost his explosiveness, so it’s easier to guard him. With that being said, I credit Kevin for stepping up, and guarding the best player on the other team. It’s a sign that says, “It’s my time now.”

By far the largest change in the Kevin Durant’s is ability to get his shot at the end of games. I can remember him struggling to even get open in the Conference Finals last year. And when he did receive the ball, he was too far away from the basket to be effective. I questioned his strength in a piece I wrote last year1. I thought he was lacking what it took to be a superstar on a championship team…I Was Wrong. Durant is now capable of getting where he wants to get at the end of the game. That has been evident by the way he’s delivered for the Thunder against the Mavericks and Lakers. And not only is he getting his shot, but he’s getting it in the paint.

The hardest thing to do in the NBA is to get your shot, at the end of the game in the paint. Because the opposing defense is playing at its highest level, and the number one goal is to make you take a tough shot. So when Durant gets in the paint and takes a floater over Pau Gasol, or takes an elbow jumper over Shawn Marion, That’s Cold-Blooded (Rick James style)2.


1. I actually kind of Destroyed Kevin Durant in that piece. I have uploaded that piece on Comedic Prose and you can read it here: Did You Fall For the NBA Okey-Doke?; Time For the NBA Finals, The Miami Heat vs. The Dallas Mavericks
2. The reference of “Rick James style” comes from the Rick James sketch Dave Chappelle did on Chappelle’s Show. After Chappelle (playing Rick James) punches Charlie Murphy he says, “That was Cold Blooded.”



Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Did You Fall For the NBA Okey-Doke?; Time For the NBA Finals, The Miami Heat vs. The Dallas Mavericks

Let’s begin…


Conference Finals Runner Ups (Did you fall for the Okey-Doke)

Let’s start with the losers first (I use the word loser in the most respectful manner).

The Oklahoma City Thunder had a great year. As a matter of fact they over achieved. If at the being of the season you told OKC they were going to lose in the Western Conference Finals, they would have taken it with a smile (why did I have to give them a smile? “LAME!”) So, can we please stop blaming Russell Westbrook for the Thunder not making it to the Finals? Dude could have shot 100% and they still would have lost in six. Now I will concede that his decision making is mind boggling at times, but is he really the reason they lost? If you look at Westbrook’s playoff numbers, they will look eerily similar to his regular season number. So you can complain about how many shots he took, but that what he did all season. With that being said, he should get the ball to Kevin Durant more…if Durant can get open. That brings me to one of the Thunders biggest problems, Kevin Durant.

Kevin Durant has been prematurely crowned as a superstar in the NBA (Spoiler Alert: Derrick Rose has also been prematurely crowned, but we’ll get to that later). He is a great player, but he’s not a superstar. Durant is a set shooter that relies on a lax defense creating spacing for him to be effective. So at the end of games when defensive intensity picks up, he can’t get open (I don’t know if you noticed, but superstars are able to get open at the end of games. I’m not saying, but I’m saying). Consequently Russell Westbrook takes terrible shots, and the chances of the Thunder winning extremely diminishes. If I could give Durant some advice I would tell him to stop worrying about which back pack to wear to the press conference, and start lifting weights. As a matter of fill your back pack with ankle weights, a bible, and a steno pad full of triple threat drills.


The Chicago Bulls also had a great postseason, and in the next couple of years they should be a title contender. The problem the Bulls have is obvious. Outside of Derrick Rose they don’t have anyone that can score consistently.  So when they add a scorer or two, they will be ready. The problem is they have a lot of money locked up in their current roster. That means they’re going to have to sign someone willing to take less, probably a veteran player that has already gotten paid, and just wants a championship. So Chicago, brace yourself for (drum roll please) Richard Hamilton.

Now let’s talk MVP (Did you think I forgot? “Ya’ll must have forgot” – Roy Jones Jr…why did I just reference that). Derrick Rose is a great player, and he is a future star in the NBA. Now I beg you to please give him some time to develop into the MVP, everyone has preordained him to be.

If Rose is going to be the guy, he must work on his shot…EVERY SHOT. That means jump shot, free throws, and finishing at the rim. I don’t want to hear people tell me about how Rose is the best finisher, because guess what? I watched the games, and dude couldn’t get it done. At the end of games Derrick Rose was not able to make the plays, to propel his team to victory. Whether he was at the free throw line, or taking fade away jump shots over LeBron, (BTW How many times does Tom Thibodeau have to draw up that fade away jump shot over LeBron play before he figures out, “This Caca doesn’t work?”) dude couldn’t get it done. Once he improves his shot. Then he’ll be ready to lead a team to the finals, and join the likes of Isiah Thomas and Allen Iverson. Until then let’s keep him in the class of Kenny Anderson and Stephon Marbury. Marbury…that’s way too harsh. Strike him and insert Tim Hardaway.



The NBA Finals

“So you made it this far, heh, we upstairs, I let you up here. You special, Marley, don’t shoot, you know what this is?”

The Dallas Mavericks and the Miami Heat have proven that they are the two best teams in the NBA. Now the stage is set for something epic. We have a rematch. Well kind of like a rematch… actually it’s nothing like a rematch. The only players remaining from the 2006 Finals are Dwayne Wade, Udonis Haslem, Dirk Nowitzki, Jason Terry, and a complete bum in Erick Dampier (The fact that Dampier and Joel Anthony have a chance to win a title, kind of makes me want to throw up in my mouth “pink vomit”). You also have Pat Riley and Mark Cuban (anytime Mark Cuban is involved you’re going to have a good time). So there is plenty of star power. At the same time there are an abundance of scrubs, which isn’t good for the NBA. I guarantee there’s a D-League team somewhere creating cap room, hoping to get 3 guys to take less money, so they could go to the Finals. If Miami wins the tile they should only order 7 championship rings. Give LeBron, Wade, Bosh, and Pat Riley one each, and let the rest of the team argue over the last three (that’s right Erik Spoelstra get in there. Earn your keep for once).


This NBA Finals has great story lines. On one side you have the Dallas Mavericks. Dirk Nowitzki and Mark Cuban, two guys that desperately want a championship. One guy that needs a championship to solidify his place among the greats, while the other guy just want to shove it in everyone’s face as he flips David Stern the bird.  You also have the underling story of Jason Kidd, a first ballot hall of famer that is going to the Finals for the third time in his career. Will he finally get that elusive ring?

On the other side you have LeBron James wearing the black hat of the NBA that doesn’t quite fit (I think it’s because he’s scared to remove his headband and expose his loss age). This guy has validated his decision and Cleveland’s outrage last offseason. To all the people wondering why someone would burn LeBron’s jersey, and what makes a fan base have so much venom for a guy? “Did you see that last series? That’s why.” After dominating this year’s MVP, and leading Miami to a finals appearance. Can we collectively say, that’s a bad boy, or as Mark Jackson would say, “Mamma there goes that man.”

LeBron James is the best player in the NBA, and it’s not close. Not only can he score on anyone, but he can guard anyone (If you disagree please see Derrick Rose in the fourth quarter of the last four games). So, let’s stop acting like he has to prove that he’s the best player on the Heat. He is better than Wade, and the alpha dog of that team. Now excuse me while I vomit.


Finals Breakdown

            I’m not going to sit up here and act like I know who is going to win the Championship. I will make a prediction, because I have to, but I have no idea who is going to win this series. With that being said I do see some advantages.

The Miami Heat’s biggest strength is their biggest weakness. They rely on 3 players for all their offense and defense intensity. Now when all those guys are on, you’re just not going to beat them. It’s that simple. Those three guys are better than every starting lineup in the league. You couple that with the fact that they are playing the best defense in the playoff, and their practically unbeatable. However, if you can just get one of those three off their game you have a great chance to beat them. Both the Celtics and Bulls were able to limit one of the big three at times, but they weren’t able to capitalize on the other end. So, what does that mean for Dallas?

The Dallas Mavericks will be able to stop Chris Bosh with Tyson Chandler. Don’t overreact to the fact that Bosh had a great series against the Bulls, because let’s be honest, the Bulls interior defense was putrid at best (The Bulls should have petitioned the league to only play offense…oh yeah, they couldn’t do that either). You have to give Bosh credit for taking advantage of that weakness, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to translate. I aspect the Mavs to limit Bosh, but can they take advantage?

Offensively the Mavericks have always been great. So, I don’t think they will have a problem scoring for the first 40 minutes of the game. My question is, what are they going to do down the stretch? We all know they have Dirk, but let’s say LeBron guards him down the stretch. Who is going to be the guy to take over? Are you going to bank on Jason Terry or J.J. Barea? Is that going to work? You can try to point to their performance so far in the playoffs, but the Oklahoma City Thunder and the Los Angeles Lakers gagged away games at the end. So, I don’t think the Mavericks won as much as those teams gave it away.

So, both of these teams are highly flawed. Whichever team is able to cover up their flaws the best will win this series. I think the Mavericks will be that team. Their margin for error is higher than that of the Heat. The amount of scoring options the Dallas Mavericks have will create problems the Heat can’t fix. Miami will not be able to hide Mike Bibby/ Mario Chalmers/any other useless defensive player they put on the court. Them cats will be exposed, and Dallas will walk away with the Championship.

Mavericks win, 4-2

Have your iPhone ready to catch Mark Cuban celebrate in a toddlers t-shirt.

Then again the Miami Heat may win. Dwyane Wade and LeBron James could play like the hall-of-famers they are, and rip the Larry O’Brien trophy out of Dallas’ hands. We will just have to see.


*This piece was originally posted on The Kortney Shane Pillar on May 28th 2011


Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane