The Oklahoma City Thunder and The Miami Heat, will play Game 1 of the NBA Finals tonight. Oklahoma City is the better team, and I expect them to win the Finals in dominating fashion. I believe they could possibly sweep the Heat. However that rarely happens, so I’m picking Oklahoma City in six games. Now that I have gotten my pukey uninspired prediction out of the way, let’s move to the real issue.
Who will I root for?
Naturally I have an inclination to root against anything associated with LeBron James. I stopped drinking Powerade because his face is on the bottle. Actually that’s not completely true. I stopped drinking red Powerade only because his face is only on that bottle, but I still enjoy a refreshing Arctic Shatter after a long day1. So naturally I can’t stand the Miami Heat. I don’t like their uniforms, the Heat girls, or that cynical, “My work is beautiful look” on Pat Riley’s face during games. I don’t even like the people in their half full arena. All those things make me wish ill will on the Heat.
On the other side you have the young up-and-coming Oklahoma City Thunder. “They’re just a bunch of 23 year old kids out there trying to figure out which way is up.” They have superstars in Russell Westbrook and Kevin Durant. They have a humble unassuming coach, and a rabid fan base that loves their team. Plus, “They did it the right way.” I hear OKC fans say, “Durant didn’t need a press conference to announce his decision. Hey actually sent a telegram to the neighborhood elementary school, and they announced it during their morning show. Are team was built the right way.” They were built the right way except for the fact that the team was stolen from Seattle (Baltimore Ravens Style).
I see pissed of Seattle Super Sonics fans every day, and I lie to them. I tell them that they’ll get another team, and be contenders in no time. When in all actuality Seattle will end up getting the Charlotte Bobcats and Bismack Biyombo. Now granted there are a lot of jaded sports fans in Seattle, but none of them believe some dude named Bismack is the next Kevin Durant. You would have a better of convincing them that the Seattle Storm are really worth watching.
So there are cons on both sides of the NBA Finals. As a Cleveland Sports fan I should probably sympathize more with a city that lost a franchise, that now has a chance to win a championship. However my hated – hatred is probably too strong of a word. Instead you can call it my extreme irrational unequivocal code burgundy like level dislike – of LeBron James the basketball player overcomes my morality. So I’m rooting for the Oklahoma City Thunder to humiliate the Miami Heat.
I apologize to my adopted city of Seattle, but I have to do it. Feel free to come by the U-District and egg the room I’m renting on frat row.
1. They discontinued Artic Shatter. They need to bring it back.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane