Kortney’s Last Show, EP 156: Jimmy Kimmel GOAT & Death of Minaj

On this episode of Kortney’s Last Show Podcast, Kortney talks about Shaq being a habitual line stepper.

Kortney opens the show talking about Remy Martin going “ShETHER” on Niki Minaj.

He also talks about the Academy Awards last night (11:29), the job Jimmy Kimmel did (21:47), Magic Johnson running the Los Angeles Lakers (29:20), and Shaq beefing with JaVale McGee (39:30).

Diabolical Hater: Jimmy Kimmel (48:50)

Quick Hitters: Kelly Ripa’s co-host, Donald Trump skips out on dinner, and Beyoncé not going to Coachella (50:51).

 

Enjoy the Podcast, Please Share, and Subscribe on iTunes, Stitcher, Google Play, and Tune in Radio.

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Kortney Shane Williams

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Kortney’s Last Show Podcast, EP 62: Confederate Flags and P. Diddy Kettle Bell Fight

KettleBell_flag

On Episode 62 of The Last Show Podcast I talk about the Confederate Flag possibly being removed from South Carolina’s capitol building. This is a whole bunch of nothing and too late. I talk about that.

I also talk about P.Diddy getting in a fight with the strength and conditioning coach at UCLA. Also there was a kettle bell that was swung…allegedly.

Also I talk Dwyane Wade possibly leaving Miami, Copyright infringement, and Obama

 

Enjoy the podcast. Please share and Subscribe on iTunes.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Cleveland Cavaliers signature loss to an eight man team

CavaliersLogo I've heard of teams having a signature moment during a championship season. However, the Cleveland Cavaliers went the other way last night, and had a signature moment during a horrific season. Anytime a team doesn't have enough players to play, you would assume they would lose the game. However, if that team is playing the 2014 Cleveland Cavaliers as of Feb 6th, it may not be that simple1. The Cleveland Cavaliers got mopped by the Los Angeles Lakers last night and I mean MOPPED. The final score shows that the Cavs lost by 11 points, but it wasn't that close. At one point in the game they were down by 29. They also gave up 70 points before halftime, and the Lakers' leading scorer was Ryan Kelly. Yeah that Ryan Kelly, the rookie from Duke who wouldn't actually be playing if the Lakers were healthy. That guy led all Lakers with 26 points. I would like to say the Cavaliers hit a new low, but this happened just a couple weeks ago. D.J. Augustin was the first no name to go H.A.M. on the Cavaliers. I'm not sure if things can get worse for the Cavaliers. You would think, losing to a team of 8 players would be rock bottom, but who knows. For now this is the signature loss for a team that is having a horrific season. We'll see if it gets any better.  
  1. I had to date stamp this, because I'm sure the Cavs traded half the team on the way to the locker room.
     
Kortney Shane Williams Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

The 2014 L.A. Lakers new chant, “Moneyball, Moneyball, Moneyball”

lakers

There’s one word we can’t stop hearing about.  Whether it’s Brad “Billy Bean” Pitt with that guy from “Superbad” on the big screen, or the real-life roster of The St. Louis Cardinals. Moneyball. Everyone’s trying to buy statistics, not stars.  And as a long-time L.A. Lakers fan, I’m excited, that my team is forced to buy into the same philosophy.
Last night, as I was already reeling from watching the Miami Heat look just as dominant as they did in the last six minutes of Game 6 of The 2013 NBA Finals. I decided (against my better judgment) to watch the late game, where my Lakers would take on The L.A. Clippers.  I was already prepared for the inevitable beat-down.  I was already braced for a Rondo-infused CP3 throwing alley-oops to a much improved Deandre Jordan, and a greatly marketed Blake Griffin.  I was ready to watch Nate Collison run defensive circles around Steve Nash as he did in last year’s opener for the Dallas Mavericks.  I was prepared to see a Laker team, so desperate, so devoid of talent, that Kobe would literally inject himself with HGH while sitting behind the bench, tear off his suit, and hobble on the court like Willis Reed, play 48 minutes and overtime, and then sprain an MCL . . . only to be back two weeks later after another secret German procedure.
But, as a longtime Laker fan, I was refreshingly surprised at what I saw.  I saw NBA Moneyball.  After Pau Gasol established a presence scoring 11 of his 15 in the first twelve minutes of the game.  And Steve Nash hit the old-man “bank-shot” three, I saw something weird.  Free Agents, and I mean “FREE” Agents, performing at a high level.  I saw a scheme that I can’t fully breakdown in this column, but one I hope will continue.  I saw an actual “team.”  What do I mean by that?
I saw young prospects, all on the same team, with one goal, to win???
Forgive my awe if you’re from Boston, but for Lakers fans nationwide, I’m sure we were all in awe.  No bickering about who gets the ball last.  The big payroll players (Gasol, Nash) sitting the entire fourth quarter.  No throne with Phil Jackson.  No moose with the name “Pat Riley” on it.  No “almost All-Stars” (insert Nick Van Exel, Cedric Ceballos, Eddie Jones, et al. here).  Just players.
How does this happen?  More on this in the coming weeks if it’s successful, but in short, when $64 million of your $79 million is locked up with four players (one of whom is currently a New York Knick that Tyler “Psycho T” Hansborough is currently writing “I’m Sorry” notes to) . . . well you’re forced to play a little Moneyball.
Can this work?  More on this in the coming weeks as well, but history says “kind-of”.  See Houston pre-James Harden years (really Darryl Morey? Anyways, just saying), but the short answer is no.  But history is always ready to be re-written, and last night, if for only forty-eight minutes, Mike D’Antoni, Mitch Kupchak, and the L.A. Lakers seemed ready to embrace a little change . . . And that’s a good thing, because with Kobe, Pau, Steve Nash, and Artest/World Peace on the payroll, change is all we got left in the bank.

 

Kyle Williams

Kyle is a writer on Comedic Prose

Follow Kyle on Twitter @darealkwilliams

The 2014 L.A. Lakers new chant, “Moneyball, Moneyball, Moneyball”

lakers

There’s one word we can’t stop hearing about.  Whether it’s Brad “Billy Bean” Pitt with that guy from “Superbad” on the big screen, or the real-life roster of The St. Louis Cardinals. Moneyball. Everyone’s trying to buy statistics, not stars.  And as a long-time L.A. Lakers fan, I’m excited, that my team is forced to buy into the same philosophy.
Last night, as I was already reeling from watching the Miami Heat look just as dominant as they did in the last six minutes of Game 6 of The 2013 NBA Finals. I decided (against my better judgment) to watch the late game, where my Lakers would take on The L.A. Clippers.  I was already prepared for the inevitable beat-down.  I was already braced for a Rondo-infused CP3 throwing alley-oops to a much improved Deandre Jordan, and a greatly marketed Blake Griffin.  I was ready to watch Nate Collison run defensive circles around Steve Nash as he did in last year’s opener for the Dallas Mavericks.  I was prepared to see a Laker team, so desperate, so devoid of talent, that Kobe would literally inject himself with HGH while sitting behind the bench, tear off his suit, and hobble on the court like Willis Reed, play 48 minutes and overtime, and then sprain an MCL . . . only to be back two weeks later after another secret German procedure.
But, as a longtime Laker fan, I was refreshingly surprised at what I saw.  I saw NBA Moneyball.  After Pau Gasol established a presence scoring 11 of his 15 in the first twelve minutes of the game.  And Steve Nash hit the old-man “bank-shot” three, I saw something weird.  Free Agents, and I mean “FREE” Agents, performing at a high level.  I saw a scheme that I can’t fully breakdown in this column, but one I hope will continue.  I saw an actual “team.”  What do I mean by that?
I saw young prospects, all on the same team, with one goal, to win???
Forgive my awe if you’re from Boston, but for Lakers fans nationwide, I’m sure we were all in awe.  No bickering about who gets the ball last.  The big payroll players (Gasol, Nash) sitting the entire fourth quarter.  No throne with Phil Jackson.  No moose with the name “Pat Riley” on it.  No “almost All-Stars” (insert Nick Van Exel, Cedric Ceballos, Eddie Jones, et al. here).  Just players.
How does this happen?  More on this in the coming weeks if it’s successful, but in short, when $64 million of your $79 million is locked up with four players (one of whom is currently a New York Knick that Tyler “Psycho T” Hansborough is currently writing “I’m Sorry” notes to) . . . well you’re forced to play a little Moneyball.
Can this work?  More on this in the coming weeks as well, but history says “kind-of”.  See Houston pre-James Harden years (really Darryl Morey? Anyways, just saying), but the short answer is no.  But history is always ready to be re-written, and last night, if for only forty-eight minutes, Mike D’Antoni, Mitch Kupchak, and the L.A. Lakers seemed ready to embrace a little change . . . And that’s a good thing, because with Kobe, Pau, Steve Nash, and Artest/World Peace on the payroll, change is all we got left in the bank.

 

Kyle Williams

Kyle is a writer on Comedic Prose

Follow Kyle on Twitter @darealkwilliams

“You don’t want Dwight Howard…really?”

dwight-howard-salute Man, the propaganda machine against Dwight Howard is in full effect! The sports media would have you believe that he's a cancer, and whichever team he goes to won't succeed. The crazy thing is, basketball fans are starting to believe and endorse those sentiments. If you're one of the people that subscribes to this thinking, I hope your wearing rubber underpants, because I'm about to blow a hole through your tighty whiteys.   First off you have to separate Dwight Howard the basketball player, from Dwight Howard the person. I'm not interested in complementing or attacking someone personally that I don't know. As a basketball player, Dwight Howard is top 5 in the league. You can even argue (when healthy) that he is the second most important player behind LeBron James. That may sound crazy, because of the year he just had. However let's examine the totality of his career. Dwight Howard     7 time All-Star, 5 time All NBA first team, and 3 time Defensive Player of the Year. He has also led the league in blocks twice and rebounds 5 times. Furthermore, with a surgically repair back that he was rehabbing last year. He managed to average 17 points and 12 rebounds (he ranked first in rebounds).   A player that puts up, that kind of production should be coveted by every front office and fan base in the NBA. Now I know you can point to his 2012 – 2013 season with the Lakers, and say his attitude was the reason the team failed. But I watched the Lakers last year, and I don't remember his attitude ever being the reason the Lakers underachieved. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't remember his attitude firing Mike Brown, refusing to hire Phil Jackson, benching Pau Gasol, or tearing Kobe Bryant's Achilles. If anything, Dwight Howard should be complemented for the way he played despite all the adversity. It's easy to throw stones at Howard, especially when you dissect the way the way you got to L.A. amongst all his uncertainty. However, this league is about talent, and the ability to win. Dwight has proved thus far in his career that he is of high quality in both of those categories. Every team wants this guy on their team, and every fan should want him as well. Unless…you're one of those fans that let sports media dictate your thinking pattern. Then, I guess, you're regulated to tanking and hoping you get the first pick in the draft. Unless…the first pick ends up not being a friend of the sports media…at that point I guess you become a cynic and start claiming the NBA is fixed. Just remember this "sports media" that you have allowed to formulate your opinion; is the same sports media that said, Michael Jordan would never win and LeBron James didn't have the killer instinct. Dwight Howard is a superstar in NBA. What way he goes from here is up to him, and rightfully so. He could stay in L.A., or go to what looks like greener pastures in Houston. "So what are you going to do Dwight? Are you going to take the red pill or the blue pill?"   Hating on Los Angeles Lakers' Dwight Howard Will Stop   Kortney Shane Williams Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Mike Brown, has become the black Flip Saunders

So Mike Brown got fired by the Los Angeles Lakers.

Now, I’m sure there’s some reason he got fired. I can personally think of a couple right off the top of your head. One of those being that the fix was in, and the best scenario for Mike Brown, was for him to win some games and be fired after two years. Now he didn’t make it through the second year, which could be seen as underachieving, but this is Mike Brown we’re talking about, aka the Black Flip Saunders.

I have spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how the hell Flip Saunders continued to get coaching jobs. Dude wasn’t good (this showed up in Washington in a 2 – 15 fashion), yet he got great coach opportunities. Now it was easy to conclude that he got those opportunities because of good regular season records with the great teams he coach. However I always wondered why a black coach was not granted the same opportunity to masquerade as a good coach while being a bum. And then, he rustled out of the bushes, of good timing, and mediocrity… Mike Brown.

First you have to put aside the idea of whether Brown can or cannot coach. When your career has been based on circumstance, it doesn’t matter how good you are. Instead you should celebrate equality, because finally there is a black NBA coach who has built a career on circumstances. Mike Brown wasn’t qualified for the Lakers job. He got that job because of his record with the Cleveland Cavaliers. However he’s not the reason the Cavaliers were a championship team. LeBron James was the reason the Cavaliers were in that position. In addition, LeBron James was a member of the Cavaliers prior to Mike Brown being hired, and was well on his way to leading Cleveland to the playoffs no matter the coach. So Brown essentially landed in a no lose situation, and parlayed that into a no lose situation. And that’s why he’s the black Flip Saunders. Eventually we’ll figure out if he can coach, because a Flip can only hide for so long in the NBA. But until them, I’m going to sit back and enjoy the show.

Long Live Flip

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Mike Brown, has become the black Flip Saunders

So Mike Brown got fired by the Los Angeles Lakers.

Now, I’m sure there’s some reason he got fired. I can personally think of a couple right off the top of your head. One of those being that the fix was in, and the best scenario for Mike Brown, was for him to win some games and be fired after two years. Now he didn’t make it through the second year, which could be seen as underachieving, but this is Mike Brown we’re talking about, aka the Black Flip Saunders.

I have spent sleepless nights trying to figure out how the hell Flip Saunders continued to get coaching jobs. Dude wasn’t good (this showed up in Washington in a 2 – 15 fashion), yet he got great coach opportunities. Now it was easy to conclude that he got those opportunities because of good regular season records with the great teams he coach. However I always wondered why a black coach was not granted the same opportunity to masquerade as a good coach while being a bum. And then, he rustled out of the bushes, of good timing, and mediocrity… Mike Brown.

First you have to put aside the idea of whether Brown can or cannot coach. When your career has been based on circumstance, it doesn’t matter how good you are. Instead you should celebrate equality, because finally there is a black NBA coach who has built a career on circumstances. Mike Brown wasn’t qualified for the Lakers job. He got that job because of his record with the Cleveland Cavaliers. However he’s not the reason the Cavaliers were a championship team. LeBron James was the reason the Cavaliers were in that position. In addition, LeBron James was a member of the Cavaliers prior to Mike Brown being hired, and was well on his way to leading Cleveland to the playoffs no matter the coach. So Brown essentially landed in a no lose situation, and parlayed that into a no lose situation. And that’s why he’s the black Flip Saunders. Eventually we’ll figure out if he can coach, because a Flip can only hide for so long in the NBA. But until them, I’m going to sit back and enjoy the show.

Long Live Flip

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

Hating on Los Angeles Lakers’ Dwight Howard Will Stop

It’s a match made in heaven that even eHarmony could have figured out. The Hollywood personality finally getting a taste of what Hollywood life is.

Dwight Howard and Brooklyn never really seemed right.

Now it’s time for the public to stop hating on Dwight Howard. I’m not telling them to stop hating. Rather, I’m saying it’s only a matter of time before Howard starts to feel the love again.

People are already starting to forget about the whole ‘indecision’ saga and are envisioning the Lakers sexy starting 5 of Nash, Kobe Bryant, Metta Word Peace, Pau Gasol and Superman himself. They are talking about whether the Lakers have the depth to match up against the likes of the Oklahoma City Thunder and Miami Heat. They are dreaming of alley-hoops and comedy sketches between one of the all-time great point guards and one of the most athletic 7-footers to ever step foot on an NBA floor.

I said all the way back in March that Dwight Howard will only be booed by the Orlando fans. Heck, that might not even be the case anymore by the time the Lakers take the court in Orlando next season.

The sports world is a very forgiving one.

A lot of guys would now rather have a beer with Tiger Woods, for reasons you can imagine, than condemn him like so many did only a couple of years ago. Michael Vick has gone from dog fighter back to NFL fan favourite, you know, when he’s not injured. Lebron James is no longer a villain simply because he won a championship and, apparently, winning cures all that ails.

People were appalled when Tiger Woods was caught cheating with 896 women. They were disgusted when Michael Vick was found to be cruel and unusual to man’s best friend. Clevelanders and non-Clevelanders burned jerseys and tore down posters when Lebron somewhat predictably spurned the Cavs.

However, people seem genuinely excited about the possibilities with Dwight Howard in a Lakers uniform.

Dwight Howard’s situation is not nearly as shocking as the others because his events were dragged out over the course of the past year. Nevertheless, hate is not the word that would define the reaction to Superman’s relocation.

Now that it is all over, Dwight Howard will probably get nothing more than a slap on the wrist in comparison to Lebron James. The NBA world will forget about Dwight Howard as fast as they will forget about 95% of the athletes in the 2012 Olympics. His immaturity will soon turn back to lovability.

D-12 is no longer the focal point either. He is the 3rd superstar on one of Los Angeles’s many prominent professional sports teams.

Dwight Howard toyed with a fan base that isn’t close to a championship with or without him. The rest of the NBA was just annoyed. Unlike Lebron James, who’s decision felt like a Mike Tyson punch to the noggin, all Dwight Howard kept doing was poking us in the arm like an infuriating little brother would.

The indecision wasn’t the worst thing in the world. It only felt like that in the moment.

The NBA world jumped on the hate Howard bandwagon. Most of them aren’t real Dwight Howard haters though. They have already jumped off and are running after the LA Lakers wagon.

Dwight Howard and all.

 

Chris Ross

Chris is a writer on Comedic Prose, and he also is the editor of Painting the Black.

You can follow Chris on twitter @paintstheblack or e-mail him at cross_can15@hotmail.com

Kobe Bryant, exercising his old man filter

Kobe Bryant of the Los Angeles Lakers recently came out in support of Pau Gasol for some inexplicable reason. He said, “As long as I’m there, he’s going to be there.” Now I didn’t know Gasol needed support. Perhaps I’m wrong, but I don’t think real basketball games are being played. Sure there’s this Olympic allusion, but those can’t be considered real games when the USA have all the best players. So it is the offseason. Pau needs Bryant’s support in December when Mitch Kupchak is trying to trade him. So why does Kobe Bryant come out with this statement, because he’s exercising his old man filter.

Eventually everyone gets to the age where they don’t care about public perception anymore. Usually you start unknowingly offending people and limit your wardrobe to 2 pair of shoes (They also wear those tube socks with the stripes at the top). This is what’s going on with Kobe Bryant, save the 2 pair of shoes.

Kobe knows Pau Gasol is a great player, and that will help him win another championship. He also knows that Gasol is more sensitive than a newborn albino baby with a peanut allergy. So it only makes sense that Kobe would come out and support Pau. All of those things make logical sense. The weird thing is the timing. However that can be chalked up to Kobe’s old man filter.

So Kobe Bryant is fine there’s no need to go to his house and debate this on ESPN: First Take. This is just an old man embracing his swagger. And if this is any sign of what’s to come in the future. I’m going to love the last few years of Kobe’s playing career.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane