Elisabetta Canalis Goes From George Clooney to Jackass…”WTF?”
Women have a vice that is mind boggling. I’ve seen most of the women I’m associated with in life take part in this particular vice at least once, and it is quite simply one of the strangest things I’ve ever witnessed. When a woman dates an amazing man and it doesn’t work out she will then go to the bottom of the pile for a replacement.
Why would I say this is considered a vice? Well, dating a loser does the same thing for a woman with heart-break that smoking crack does for a 19-year-old mother of 2. It takes away the pain. When the man of your dreams breaks your heart the only thing that will help repair it is dating someone that has no right being associated with you because that man will worship the ground you walk on and make you feel like a queen (or at least someone capable of being loved). That, my friends, is exactly what is going on with Elisabetta Canalis.
Elisabetta and George Clooney were in a relationship for 2 years. They enjoyed fine dining, cruises on private yachts, and whatever other perks you get from being gorgeous, rich, and famous. That relationship ended because George Clooney is a man who can sleep with any woman he wants so he gets an upgrade every couple of years because he doesn’t let society bully him into being bored by the same vagina day in and day out. Elisabetta is obviously handling this break up well as she has recently confirmed that she is now dating Steve-O. Yes, the same Steve-O that wore a fart helmet, threw up a live gold-fish after swallowing it a second earlier, pierced his butt cheeks together, and jumped off of a ladder into a big pile of stinking elephant shit. That’s just a small list of the very impressive activities on Steve-O’s resume.
I’m fascinated by this. It teaches me a few things about women, and it provides me with hope and inspiration.
Steve-O is a loser. I love the guy and he cracks me up, but there is no explanation a person could give me in regards to why a woman who was with George Clooney for two years would have a conversation with Steve-O for 5 minutes, let alone date him. What we can take away from this is that women want attention, and if you’re the first one to give it to them after a break up then you will be the first one to touch her boobies. “Men take note! That hot office girl who you’ve been eyeing is now crying because her boyfriend left her, don’t wait for the right time. Do it now!” Also, it’s obvious that women do not have types. Guys are easy. You have big boob guys, big ass guys, guys that like blondes, and guys that like Asians. For the most part when a man breaks up with one woman you will more than likely find him talking to a woman who looks very much like the last one he was with. This jump from Clooney to –O proves that women are nothing like men. They will go from a 10 to a 5 in no time at all as long as the 5 shows them attention, and is famous as hell.
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Follow Mitch Burrow on Twitter @MitchTheComic