Author: Kortney Williams

Comedian #BARS

Jeremy Lin’s rise shouldn’t be so surprising

The circumstances are Lincredible. The meteoric ascension to stardom is one of a kind. The hype is more than deserved for this Linderella story. The shock of Lin measured a 9.0 on the Richter scale after his game winner on Tuesday night in Toronto and who knows how long we will feel the after effects.…
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Carlos Boozer of the Chicago Bulls, “Are you using hair butter?”

I didn’t plan on writing today because I like to take Tuesdays off to perfect my FIFA 12 skills, and since I’m dedicated to the process of being a champion I don’t like to waver. However all that went out the window when I realized there was a coat of stuff in Carlos Boozer’s of…
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Brains, Ryan Braun, and looking good with Wranglers on

It was August 26th 1995, just after 8 o’clock on a balmy 94-degree summer evening in a modest southern California suburb, just outside of San Fernando. In the middle of a fresh-cut lush green backyard lawn, a boy laid flat on his back, gazed blankly into the night sky, and popped a baseball back-and-forth from his…
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Adele Dominates the 2012 Grammy Awards; Lady Gaga Goes Donut

The 54th Grammy Awards were pretty underwhelming. I guess I should have seen that coming, because the field of awards was underwhelming. So as expected, Adele was the big winner. Ya girl won everything. I swear I saw Cam Newton hand her the Heisman trophy. What she did was Lauryn Hill-esque (She actually won one…
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What does Jeremy Lin mean for the New York Knicks?

Jeremy Lin led the New York Knicks to a win over the Los Angeles Lakers while pouring in 38 points and 7 assist. Now allow me to repeat that without laughing. Some dude from Harvard has won 3 straight games, and he just led the Knicks to a win over the Lakers with 38 points (damn…
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Will Ferrell does an interestingly unfunny introduction for the Chicago Bulls and New Orleans Hornets

So Will Ferrell announced the starting lineups for the Chicago Bulls and New Orleans Hornets last night. How he got the job is kind of confusing. I guess he was in town to film a movie, and David Stern called and said, “Hey Will, could you come to the arena and do a favor for…
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Kobe Bryant, greatest Los Angeles Laker of all-time?

Now that Kobe Bryant has passed Shaquille O’Neal for the fifth spot on the all-time scoring list. Now I think we can fully assess the trade that sent Shaquille O’Neal to the Miami Heat for a bag of peanuts and a lawn chair. One has to conclude that the Lakers won that trade. I know that’s a news flash…
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Peyton Manning is getting his BlackMan, are you loving it?

  I can’t tell you how great it feels to watch Peyton Manning Stand up to the Indianapolis Colts. I might throw a parade. As a matter of fact I’m putting together a party at King of Diamonds (Miami style), and Pacman Jones is on the guest list. We’re going to have singles and scrippers. Make sure…
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Paula Abdul Gets the X Factor, Hopefully She Starts Robbing Drug Dealers

When I found out that Paula Abdul got fired from some show called The X Factor I was almost brought to tears. I was stunned. It completely caught me off guard. Really? Paula got fired, straight up? What happened? Was she smoking crack again (I don’t know if she smoked crack the first time but…
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What If Athletes Were Movies?

The NFL season is less than a week away from being over, and now I’m faced with the same predicament I face every single February … the “what now?” predicament.  I am fully aware that other sports exist; the NBA is in full swing, March Madness is right around the corner, and hockey is, um,…
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