It’s rumored that the NFL has selected their group of finalists to perform at the Super Bowl halftime show. Among the finalists to perform is Coldplay (there are also some other people in the group of finalist, but they’re not worth mentioning. The most they can get is a footnote here1). Which on the surface seems great. I mean its Coldplay. There one of the biggest rock groups in the world. Also they still have all their motor skills, unlike the recent super bowl performers. You may not like Coldplay, but if the alternative is Bob Seger & the Silver Bullet Band. You’re probably taking the lesser of two evils. I like Bob Seger just as much as the next black kid that grew up in the suburbs, but after Turn the Page. The song book gets kind of thin2. You have to embrace the fact that the acts appear to be getting younger.
So I would be excited to see Coldplay perform at the Super Bowl. Except for the reports that the NFL is asking the halftime performer to pay to perform. If Coldplay pays any amount of compensation to the NFL, I will lose all respect for them. I don’t care if it’s just a couple free tickets to a concert in Buffalo and some Arby’s coupon. I’m out!
“You’re Coldplay! You don’t pay to perform during a football game. You’ve headlined Glastonbury! Don’t you dare give Jim Irsay any money, to spend on pills!”
Despite what ESPN would have you believe, American football is not an international sport. Coldplay already sells out every arena in America. They don’t need the Super Bowl to spread the news that they exist. They gain nothing from playing the Super Bowl. As a matter of fact. The NFL should pay them.
Now there are some people that should absolutely pay to perform at the Super Bowl.
Lady GaGa – He/She has no talent, and could gain relevance
Eminem and Dr. Dre – Eminem was one of the hottest artist for a 5 year span, and then fell off a cliff. Dre doesn’t need the show, but maybe it would finally force him to release that Detox album3.
The Black Keys – Great group, but need some pub
Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, and
Nicki Minaj – They all fit in the, limited talent tier of artist, who have to annoy you constantly to stay relevant. What better place than the Super Bowl.
Myself – Of all people I should definitely pay to perform at the Super Bowl, and I will do it. I don’t even have the money, but I’ll find out how to get. Just give me two weeks’ notice. I’ll start a fraudulent kick starter campaign like the rest of my friends, and I will pay that man his money (Teddie KGB style).
However under no circumstance should Coldplay pay to perform.
Take this as a warning Coldplay. If you pay the NFL you will lose a fan. A fan that has bought overpriced concert tickets, and owns all your albums. Except for that new Ghost Stories album (I was smart enough to know that a dude going through a divorce tends to not be focused on him job). So don’t let me down.
1. The other finalist are Rihanna and Katy Perry…like I said it wasn’t worth mentioning.
2. My favorite Bob Seger song is Still the Same. It’s disappointing that I only get to hear it in an elevator.
3. Okay, Eminem and Dr. Dre were ridiculous. I just want that Detox album.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane