I think I speak for everyone when I say, “LeBron just make a decision. I don’t care where you play just announce something. Say Cleveland, say Miami, say you’re going to take the year off and play baseball. Maybe you end up liking Brazil when you go there for the World Cup. I’m sure that have a Rucker Park league there. Perhaps you can move the family there and play pickup games for the next 3 years. Just announce something. Please! This Decision 2 is starting to affect my life. I haven’t slept in 3 days, because I feel like I’m going to miss something on Twitter. I’ve refreshed my phone so much that my thumbs are hurting. I’m the sole reason that your website keeps crashing, because I’ve pulled it up on all 10 of the devices in my house. I feel like Tom Hanks in Cast Away. I haven’t showered in 2 days, I’ve shut off all connection from my family, and I’m curled up fetal talking to a FedEx package. So please just do something.
I was critical of The Decision last time. I thought it was over the top and narcissistic. I thought you were crazy to do it. But at this point I want you to do another one and get it over. I will help you plan it. I will call Jim Gray, we can get the Boys & Girls Clubs in on this, and you can take you talent to São Paulo.
If you need convincing, I can help get you. Do you want to go to Miami? Well you should go. Remember that crazy letter Dan Gilbert wrote? Do you really want to work for that guy again? Plus the Cavaliers stink. They’ve had one hundred and fifteen number one picks since you left. Do you really want to spend your prime there?
Perhaps you want to go the Cleveland. Well you should go there. You know Dwyane Wade’s knees aren’t going to hold up. He play 5 regular season games last year and 7 games in the playoffs. Do you really want that? Plus Pat Riley keeps disrespecting your boys from Akron. If you’re really down for the “330” you would leave based off principle.
I don’t care what you do LeBron, but please do something. We have to get some sleep.”
- On behalf of Chris Broussard, Brian Windhorst, Dan Le Batard, Adrian Wojnarowski, and all who are affected.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane