As I watched Game 1 of the NBA Finals last night, I couldn’t help but think, “How funky is it in that arena? It has to smell like a high school football locker room in the middle of hell.” There is no way everyone wore deodorant last night. You know Tony Parker and Boris Diaw didn’t wear deodorant, because French people don’t believe in that. I found that out at the age of 13 while waiting in line at an amusement park. Since that day I will never view Disney World as the happiest place on earth.
People keep trying to compare last night’s conditions to The Boston Garden in the 80s. However you have to remember that everyone knew there was no air conditioning going into the game. So they could prepare accordingly. You could take a couple showers, and maybe double up on the deodorant. I know when I go to my grandmother’s church. That I need to bring a fan and a change of underwear.
Last night, they sprung that “We ain’t got no A.C.” thing on them. And once you’re in the building, you have to stay in the building. That means all those people that were running late and thought, “I’ll just take a shower when I get home. I didn’t even sweat that much during that work out. No one will notice.” Where sitting in a section full of people that wanted them dead.
And to those people that think that way, I will quote the great Redd Foxx, “You Gotta Wash Your Ass”
So I don’t blame LeBron James for cramping up. If you were surround by that much Funk you would have cramped too.
The only person that didn’t seem to be affected by the heat was, Pat Riley, and that just proves that he’s cold blooded.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane