Lance Stephenson of the Indiana Pacers is the most entertaining guy in the NBA. Anytime he’s on the screen, I can’t take my eyes off of him. I literally don’t known what the hell he’s going to do next. He may dribble behind his back while dunking through his legs. Then he might follow that up by staring down a new born baby, and throwing a chest pass into the 15th row. At this point I wouldn’t be surprised if there was footage of Lance wrestling an alligator during TV timeouts.
My friend has a theory that Lance Stephenson carries a pistol in his sock during games. My sister thinks Lance looks like the dude that killed 50 Cent’s mom, in Get Rich or Die Tryin’. I think Lance was the one behind the Malice at the Palace. We don’t really know who is right, and that’s why he needs a Lance Stephenson webcam. We shouldn’t have to watch closely hoping not to miss something he does. He’s too much of a crazed superhero to risk missing something memorable.
So someone that works for the Indiana Pacer needs to take up a collection, and get a camera off of the internet. Maybe they could use one of Lance’s burner phones to order it1 (I’m sure he has one in his locker). Personally I don’t care how you do it. Just have it done before the playoffs start. Because the last thing I want, is to wait for TMZ to break the story that Lance Stephenson is the person that catfished Paul George.
1. Public Service Announcement: If you have a T-Mobile phone that was featured in any of the seasons of The Wire, and you’re not selling drugs; you need to move back into your parents’ house until you’re ready to be a grown-up.
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane