I Think We’re Skipping Thanksgiving This Year, “For the Sake of Christmas”

Thanksgiving will be here in 2 weeks, yet I haven’t seen any decorations. This time of year, there are usually some kind of buy one get one free turkey sale that would be advertised during football games. And those weird uncomfortable signs on the side of on your street start popping up. On which some guy is promoting a free hay ride for all the kids in the neighborhood. Personally I’ve never been quite comfortable with either of those things. I think you should only be able to buy one turkey per transaction, and hayrides are just weird. Let’s start with the fact that you have to sit in a truck Indian style on hay, while you try to maintain enough leverage, as not slide out of the back of it hip first. Then you factor in the creepy, 45 year old driver, and that’s not a place any kid should be.

This year, it seems like there’s been some kind of mandate to skip thanksgiving, and go right to Christmas1. I have seen Christmas decorations everywhere. Now some of the decorations are on people’s homes, and there’s a good chance those are lazy people that keep them up all year. However every store is also promoting Christmas. Maybe the economy is so bad that they want us to start Christmas shopping early. Perhaps people have come to some kind of revelation that Christmas and Thanksgiving are too close, and it’s time to celebrate one or the other? Personally I don’t want to decide. I like Thanksgiving and all the prime rib and dressing it have to offer2. I like eating dinner at 11am, 4pm, and again at 7pm. I like going into a food coma, while watching one of those over hyped football games. I want Thanksgiving now and forever. I’m going to start a petition, “Don’t let them carve Thanksgiving out of your life.” As a matter of fact I’m going to find one of those creepy out of work hayride ride guys on Craigslist, and get him to carry that sign around deed restricted communities. Cause those dudes need work, and after all he does it for the kids (Trick Daddy style).

 

1. Lewis Black actually predicted that this would happen in 2002 on Comedy Central Presents, Lewis Black. Profit?

2. If you can afford it, prime rib should be your go to, over Turkey for Thanksgiving.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

About the author: Kortney Shane Williams

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