The UFC won by unanimous decision thanks to Manny Pacquiao’s fixed fight

I watched the Manny Pacquiao fight this morning, because I don’t pay for paper view when I’ve never heard of whose fighting. Sure I know Pacquiao, but who is Timothy Bradley? That sounds like a guy that pumps gas in Oregon. There would have been a better chance of me buying that fight between Vanilla Ice and Who’s the Boss. Nevertheless, I got a chance to watch Manny Pacquiao vs. Timothy Bradley.

I came into the fight knowing the controversial split decision that was award to Bradley. So I was prepared to be a contrarian and find any way to say Bradley won the fight. I even took out my 1999 score card from the Oscar De La Hoya vs. Felix Trinidad fight for good luck. However, after 9 rounds I was struggling to figure out who on earth could have scored any rounds against Pacquiao. So for the last 3 rounds I decided to come up with theories on why the judges would award some guy named Tim Bradley with a win.

 

    1. Perhaps they were scoring the fight like it was stroke play golf. Where the lowest score wins.
    2. Maybe they got confused and thought Paquiao was the black guy. And they chalked the Filipino name up to, crazy things black people do with their kids’ names1.
    3. The judges all had strokes, and middle school kids scored the fight.
    4. They were pissed off that they had to wait until Manny got done watching the Celtics game.
    5. The fight was fixed!

 

This fight was fixed. There’s absolutely no way someone with at least one eye, a sheet of paper, and a golf style pencil couldn’t score that fight unanimously for Manny Pacquiao. As a matter of fact you don’t even need an eye. Just ask the person next to you, “I hear someone continually getting the wind knocked out of them. Who’s the guy hitting him, because he’s winning?”

Another thing that makes me feel that the fight was fixed, was Manny Pacquiao’s reaction after the decision. He went to the top turnbuckle, and started some kind of prayer. I know he underwent a religious revolution, but he could have least dropped his pants and started cursing. However, he decided to stand next to the guy that just won and calmly discussed the outline for a rematch. What made it odder was Timothy Bradley quoting November 10th as a rematch date. How the hell could he recall the rematch date start? Was he reading the contract in between rounds?

You have to conclude that this fight was fixed. That’s the final straw for me. I’m moving to the UFC.

Its official professional boxing is the sports of my youth, but it’s time to let me zeal for blood and concussions move on to the UFC.

The UFC is in position to benefit most from the Pacquiao vs. Bradley fix job. First off all they don’t fix fights. I think if anyone tried to fix a fight in the UFC. Dana White would descend from the rafters (Sting WWF style) and put somebody into one of those half-face-chicken-wing things. Also, the UFC gives you the fight everyone wants to see. I’ve been waiting 5 years for Floyd Mayweather jr and Manny Pacquiao to fight. They would have fought 5 times by now if they were in the UFC. In addition the UFC has more quality fighters in every weight class. So I’m going to the UFC and I’m sure plenty of diehard boxing fans will be soon to follow. It won’t be long until I’m wearing afflictions t-shirts, and starting fights with innocent people that just came to Chuck E’ Cheese for a night out with their family. However, the first thing I need to do is figure out who the fighters are, so I can pay for a paper view.

 

1. I know Pacquiao is his last name, but I was making a joke. And I suspend all reality in the name of humor.

 

Kortney Shane Williams

Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose

Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane

About the author: Kortney Shane Williams

Has one comment to “The UFC won by unanimous decision thanks to Manny Pacquiao’s fixed fight”

You can leave a reply or Trackback this post.

  1. Gerald Slovak - January 19, 2013 at 10:39 pm Reply

    manny pacquiao is the best fighter but he seems to be unprepared when he fought Marquez

Leave a Reply