The MTV Movie Awards will be held tonight in some weird location. It’s actually probably going to be in L.A. or New York, but who cares. They could be holding it in my kitchen, and I would order out. So, I could avoid catching a part of the ceremony. The person responsible for organizing this makeshift event should be ashamed. And I’m talking about big/large scale shame. The type of shame you feel when you wake up on the front steps of strip club. However the worse part about the MTV Movie Awards is the people watching them. To those people I have one question, “Why?” Are you getting valuable information out of them? Are considering renting John Carter, and you just want the experts at MTV’s opinion first? Perhaps you all want to torcher yourself, but you don’t have a bear trap lying around the house. So you figure you’ll watch the award show. I don’t know what your motive is, but you have to stop. This spectacle is hold us back from reruns of The Jersey Shore, and we can’t have that.
So let’s start a campaign to end the gold cup of popcorn give away. I’m willing to lead the charge. So everyone jump on my back like a little kid at an amusement park, and we’ll ransack the apartments of the people that watch this award show (Storming of the Bastille style).
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane