LeBron James wants back in Cleveland for the money
When reports surfaced that LeBron James of the Miami Heat would be open to the idea of returning to the Cleveland Cavaliers. I grunted, “This guy is unbelievable Un-bee-lieevable! (Dane Cook style).” What the hell happened? Are you finished taking your talents to South Beach? Did all the women dry up because of your lack of closing skills? Perhaps you realized that out of control mother who occasionally slaps valets and city with endless resources1 don’t mix? I’m not sure what the reason is but, I admire LeBron James’ unique ability to actuality believe what he’s saying. Just two summers ago he was counting off the number of championships he was going to bring to Miami. Heat fans should be proud of number 6.
To say LeBron James is disingenuous would be an understatement, and the fact that he said he would be opening to going back to Cleveland should be more proof. This is the same place he said he left because he wanted to have a better chance to win. “Well Bron Bron, you didn’t win.” So if he hasn’t won in a situation that everyone considers to better, why would you even consider coming back? It makes you wonder what his motive is. I believe LeBron’s motive is to win a championship as comfortable as possible while making “plenty money“ (Plies style).
First LeBron goes back for Plenty Money
The greatest benefit for LeBron would be financially. Something that no one talks about is that the reason he went to Miami is to be more marketable. However, after the backlash from his decision and the way he wet the bed in the NBA Finals. James has become less marketable. Now strangely enough he would make more money if he went back to Cleveland. If he repaired that relationship, immediately he would become the story of the NBA, and once again be the biggest superstar on a good team. Consequently his merchandise sales would go up, and once again he would be that guy with plenty money.
Now if he were to win a championship top of everything…plenty more money.
First LeBron goes back for a championship
James went to Miami because he thought the team was so stacked that it would be easy to win a championship. He even said so during the pyrotechnic celebration that, “…once the game starts it’s going to be easy.2” So since the Heat were unsuccessful in winning the championship last year, and has the opportunity to opt out of his contract in 2 years. He’s beginning to hedge his bet in the event that things don’t work out. And as crazy as sounds, the Cavaliers’ chances of winning a championship will be better than the Heat’s in 2 years. So if he starts greasing the skids now for a return. He will have a better chance of being taken back, and winning a championship in the future.
So how could he return to Cleveland?
The scenario under which LeBron James could return to the Cavaliers is as follows: He must be unsuccessful in winning a championship in 
Miami (He can’t come back to Cleveland flashing a ring. That’s like getting with your new girl while flashing the jewelry your ex-wife gave you). It’s a must that he comes back desperate to win his first championship with the city of Cleveland. Also he must repair his relationship with the Cleveland fan base. Maybe he could take out a full page add in the Plain Dealer? How about another decision, in which you invite some kids from South Beach to watch you urinate on the city of Miami, while taking your talents back to Lake Erie. Lastly he has to repair his relationship with Dan Gilbert, and Gilbert has to public embrace him. This is the most important part off the process. If LeBron James can get his biggest critic (Dan Gilbert) to accept him back publicly, it will not only ease feelings with Cleveland fans, but it will instantly repair his relationship with the public. The public has no reason to continue their dislike LeBron James. The reason they boo him is because the Cleveland dislikes him. So if Cleveland at least accepts James. The public will be more than willing to root for James again.
Eventually LeBron will win a championship, because he’s too smart not to. He knows that his legacy after basketball is tied to rings. So if he wants to be able to sell his brand, and remain relevant. He has to have jewelry. James also wants to be a billionaire athlete, and winning a championship in Cleveland would go a long way to making that happen. And if he brought a championship to Cleveland, imagine how comfortable he would be.
“…At the end of the day, the guys who are playing for the right reasons who are trying to win championships are not worrying about one play…They also are not tweeting about themselves talking about going down to No. 2. I just feel [James] is always looking for attention and he wants the world to like him.” – Kendrick Perkins
1. Recourses are code for anything you want to do. Please be creative. 2. It’s actually funny to watch that moment of the celebration. The look of Dwyane Wade’s face is priceless. It’s like at that moment he realized, “Oh yeah, this is the guy that quit in the playoffs.”
Editor-in-Chief of Comedic Prose
Follow Kortney Williams on Twitter @kortneyshane