The Off – Beat: By The Numbers with Mitt Romney

Here’s a look at last week’s headlines . . .

 

By the Numbers

 

1. The number of Iranian nuclear scientists killed by a bomb this week (I’ll let you figure out the irony in that one).

 

2. The number of years since a 7.0 magnitude earthquake tore through the nation of Haiti, devastating a nation, which still sees 1 billion people displaced from the disaster.

 

3.  The number of teenagers shot, following a series of gunshots in Southeast, Washington, DC at approximately 9AM Thursday morning . . . wait for it . . . yes, you’re correct, they should’ve been in school.  Michelle Rhee just didn’t think about the possibility of gun – violence when she fired 500 teachers in less than a semester on the job.

 

4.  The number of Top Republican Primary candidates, which have been deemed ineligible to run for the primary in the state of Virginia, due to a new Virginia law.

 

5.  Apparently the number of comedians Kevin Hart has in his iPod’s “Comedy” playlist, as expressed via his newest Comedy Central stand-up special, where he basically states “I’m so funny, I can make other comedians . . . funnier just by standing next to me – or I’ll just look funnier standing next to people taller than 5’4” . . . Whatever.  Mo’ Money, MO’ MONEY either way)

 

6:  The number of idiots running for the Republican Nomination for the 2012 Presidential Race: Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Perry, Rick Santorum, John Huntsman.

 

 

Surprise, surprise I have nothing positive to say about a murder of crows, which referred to our only Black President as a “Food Stamp President.”  But we’ll take this one at a time.

First up: Mitt Romney.

Where else could I start?  Mitt Romney is the current front-runner and richest candidate in the race, so naturally I don’t like him.  But can you blame me? I mean besides the fact that his name is a synonym for a an instrument used to catch baseballs (my most hated sport), this guy also ran a business, that made money off putting people out of business.  In the past fifteen years, Bain Capital let go of more low-level workers than Herman Caine (too soon . . . yeah, didn’t think so).

Lots of animosity for this guy, mostly because I found out the reason he’s running from his wife.  She said in a public interview “Mitt was thinking of not running for a lot of reasons . . . and I asked him one question ‘Mitt, do you think you could save America?’ he said ‘Yes.’”  Apparently the Presidential Candidate to be, hasn’t looked back since.  I just wonder, what is he saving us from?  Jobs?  Hard work?  Those Chrysler 300 commercials?  Ndamukong Suh? An 8 Mile sequel?  Insert Detroit joke here ___?

Sorry Mrs. Romney, I’m just a little confused.  I thought we needed jobs?  Ohhhh . . . I get it now.  Mitt’s a “Dark Knight” type of candidate.  The type of hero we need, just not the type we can appreciate right now . . . okay.  So when he says he’ll create more jobs, is that a Harvey Dent impression?  Now I’m really confused.

 

Kyle Williams

News Writer

Follow Kyle on Twitter @darealkwilliams

About the author: Mr. Kyle Williams

Leave a Reply